hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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