she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
