I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
