I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you had me at cake vodka
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
