You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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