if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
