So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
