haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
