New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
