This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize