God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
