Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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