it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
