She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's the barista slut.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
