it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
