there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
