At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.