hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
