i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound