Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l

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(301): View more from Maryland

she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

(203): View more from Connecticut

but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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(301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.

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(267): Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go. http://tfl.nu/5urf

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(416): View more from Toronto

He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

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(416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l

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(319): View more from Iowa

just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

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(319): just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys. http://tfl.nu/rsgm

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(740): View more from Ohio

So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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(740): So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot? http://tfl.nu/xzhr

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(845): View more from New York

if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian

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(845): if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian http://tfl.nu/1pnw

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

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(203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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(402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k

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(303): View more from Colorado

They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.

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(303): They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome. http://tfl.nu/wbzs

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(302): View more from Delaware

Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.

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(302): Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one. http://tfl.nu/7sz8

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(816): View more from Missouri

You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

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(816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3

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(989): View more from Michigan

From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry

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(989): From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry http://tfl.nu/kfwr

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(773): View more from Illinois

in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.

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(773): in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already. http://tfl.nu/yc7m

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(778): View more from British Columbia

they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?

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(778): they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date? http://tfl.nu/4653

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