strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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