She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox