he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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