I cannot find my penis.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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