Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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