I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
