it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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