If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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