Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
