96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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