He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just gargled with NyQuil
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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