GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
