can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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