Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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