So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
