just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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