I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I touched a dick in church today
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
