do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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