with your own penis?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
