It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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