I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it because I queefed?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
