The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
