I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
