you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
