I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
