I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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