Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
