Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
