That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
