i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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