there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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