dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
