smell my finger.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
