Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
