just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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