Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
