my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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