I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
