she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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