So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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