dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
