so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
