it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize