she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wear drunk well.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
