why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
only you would photoshop your dick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
