Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
