I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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