You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
