First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
