I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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