I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
