If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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