I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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