And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Actions speak louder than pants.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
