I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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